Sunday, November 22, 2009
I need a flashlight...
Alex keeps inviting me to youth groups...and I want to go, because I want to be involved with things he likes...but churches make me feel so uncomfortable. Because when everyone is standing, and I watch Amy sing, and I look around and everyone else looks so happy, and I realize it's because they have this sense of faith in them that I have never had. And it's such a lonely feeling to be the only person in the room who's not sharing in that great inner-strength. I'm jealous of them. I believe in God...but I don't feel that same aura that they must feel. I've been afraid all my life that God is going to send me to Hell because I don't go to church...and I don't pray...and I don't read the Bible. I went to his youth group tonight, and everyone went around and talked about making time for God, and prioritizing time for him. "God gave his own son so you could live. Is it so much to ask for you to take fifteen mintues a day to focus on him?" And it made me tear up, because I DO believe in God....but because of the way I've been raised, I think it's foolish to leave everything up to God...I mean...he's got bigger fish to fry....plagues and whatnot. He's given me my life's hand and it's up to me to make something of it....That has been my life's belief. I'm a good person...but now I'm even more terrified that I'm still going to Hell because I don't actively worship. I feel like I need to change, but I don't know why...other than I'm scared...I need help...
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Carie. God is love, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone tell you that the reason you need to go to church is to get fire insurance. God is not a wrathful kid holding sinners like spiders over an open flame, nor does he SEND people to hell. Don't think of hell as a place for "bad people," think of hell as a state of mind for those who are bad AND unremorseful.
ReplyDeleteCarie, John is right, God is love. If you don't feel his love, its probably because you don't pray, read the Bible or make the time to get to know him. You've got to have a one on one to get to know him. The more time you spend with him the more love you'll give and the more love you'll receive. It's something that happens when you ask for his help. I will pray that you find the time to ask him for that help. Sounds like the HOLY SPIRIT is already tugging at your heart. Please feel free to stay in touch and I will help with anything and everything that is in my power through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
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