WARNING: RIDICULOUS SELF-ADDRESSING RANT

I have a certain way that I have operated my whole life. Habits, behaviors, and ways of coping that I've had for as long as I can remember. Things that have been hardwired into my system from infancy. Because I am the first born, I get shit on a lot parentally because they've never had a child this age. I myself am confident in my own future, as far as behaviors and attitudes go. I KNOW what I am going to be, my parents don't. They think they're doing their parental duty by telling me things over and over again. There are so many things I wish I could say to them, so many things I wish I could explain, but I will never get that chance, because they are my parents and there is a certain way they think I should interact with them. They want me to keep my room SPIC AND SPAN just because. They say they don't want a lot from me, they say they don't ask a lot, but what they don't get is that they're actually asking A LOT from me just from telling me to keep my room spotless. There are clean people, who can only function under clean pretenses, and then there are messy people. It seems like there's a huge mess to the clean people, but to the messy people, it's fine. They know where everything is because they put it there and they know where it is. The clean people don't think so, but they would never know because they are not a messy person. I've been taught all my life about being flexible and being able to change, but some people just can't change. So, why can't my parents allow me to at least find a happy medium between messy and SPOTLESS? I can't live in SPOTLESS! "How can you live in that pit? Don't you respect yourself?" When did this become a case of respecting myself? I woudn't expose other people to a mess like that. That's why you keep MOST of a house clean. If there are going to be people there, you should keep it clean. that is a sign of respect for the clean people from the messy people. That's a law I'd be willing to abide by. But this is MY SPACE. MINE! No one else is going to be in there except me. If I had friends coming over, I'd tidy up, because the certain friend might be a clean person. What are my parents really afraid of? I mean, really? If we have company coming over, just tell me. I'll tidy up, out of respect for the clean people. If the clean people expect us to adapt for them, then why can't the clean people, just once, realize that the messy people can't always get super-clean cold turkey? It just completely contradicts everything I've supposedly been taught.

I don't think any of this is really about keeping my room clean, because that's all i think of it as. I just think of it as keeping my room clean, or doing the dishes. Simplistic, every day tasks. My parents put these simple tasks on the level of RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR PARENTS. Personally, I think my parents could have it a lot worse in terms of children. I'm an excellent daughter. I get good grades as well as being completely enveloped in a Drama program, in which I give %200, as well as keeping up my grades. There are two areas of my life that I don't give %200 in: DOING THE DISHES AND KEEPING MY ROOM CLEAN. My parents want to get mad at me when I can't sweep a floor properly. When I can't do it properly, my dad wants to do this ridiculous thing where he looks at me and asks me if I'm a moron. I'm sorry I can't do regular housework. Usually a mom teaches their kids to do things like that. My mom never taught me the exact science of sweeping a floor or loading a dishwasher. She just expected me to do them. I don't blame her for not teaching me, she was just very busy, working all the time. What I DO blame her for is harping at me when my flawed performance is a result of her actions.

And what kills me is the whole RESPECT FOR THE MESSY thing, when my parents are so wrapped up in being parents and the notion that I should just do whatever they bid without question, just because they're my parents, they forget that maybe I have feelings too, and there are some things that I can't do (like keeping my room SPOTLESS) just because of who I am. They can't respect who I am, they have to make me the way THEY want me to be. That's the only major problem with parenting I have: They want to punch out their idea of what THEY think you should be. They have no respect for who YOU think you should be.

Alright, I'm done.