Helping

I read a LONG blog post today. I hope someone can get through mine.

So researching different kinds of charities online led to some pretty interesting findings, and I don't just mean Google results. I knew one of my favorite actresses, Audrey Hepburn, was an advocate for UNICEF. It's interesting to hear her talk about helping other people. She talked about how it felt weird to walk into one of the feeding camps and see the kids there. She said it kind of felt like walking into somebody's room while they're on their death bed, and it felt wrong to be there because the family should have been there, not you. Then you want to reach out and touch them so they'll have someone near, but you're afraid you'll break them. But she did it because she felt like she should help people, because she was able to. "I have been born privileged. And it's only logic that people who are born privileged should help those who were not." If there were more people who thought that way, the world wouldn't be such an ugly place. But not everyone thinks that way. Not everyone wants to help others. Other people have a more effective way of helping others. They don't do it blatantly. They don't loan a family member money, they don't help a friend study for a test, they don't stay with a friend just because "they don't want to be alone." They take a slightly more self-efficient approach. Help them help themselves by not helping them at all. Make them work to get the money they need to buy that new bike. Make them study for that test alone, so when they ace it, they can say they did it all by themselves. Leave them by themselves so they can learn to cope on their own, so they don't use you as a crutch for their emotional handicap. That last one sounds awful, but sometimes, I wonder if I'm ever that crutch. Not just emotionally, but in every way you can use a person as a crutch. I enable people who have a tendency to be assholes to everyone but me. The only time that SERIOUSLY bothers me, is when those people are douche bags to people who ARE genuinely nice to people, or very nice to me (Skittles aigres). People who actually appreciate my friendship and who DON'T take advantage of me. What's really sad is that I can only immediately think of ONE person right now. One person my age, that is. I'm compelled to help people, I think, because I'm afraid that if I don't, no one else will, and I know that's a sucky feeling when no one will help you. Like when your mom is a drunk and your dad doesn't love you. The funny thing is that people in those situations don't seem to need a lot of help with the big stuff. They kind of got their own way of managing. It's when the "big stuff" isn't such a problem anymore, when new "medium stuff" starts up and they don't know how to deal with it. For example, a loved one moving very far away, let's say NEW YORK just for fun. And they're happy to have a really great friend who almost always comes when they call to help them feel better when they're lonely. But then they get used to the charity. THAT'S why I get taken advantage of. THAT'S why I don't feel appreciated by some of my friends. But it's a circle. I want to help, and they shit on me, but if I don't help, maybe no one else will. And around and around we go. Personally, I wish I would take the "self-efficient" route more often. I do it to myself, I know, I know I'm not a victim. Actually, I take that back, I don't just help because I think no one else will. I guess it depends on the person, really. If I love them a lot, I help them because I love them. If it's someone else, the prior circumstances can be instated. I dunno, it's even more complicated in my head....

However, those of you who ARE reading, and I know who you are, who appreciate me, I thank you. Believe it or not, you guys are great enough that you make those who suck not so bad. I think it's one thing to think you're appreciated by no one, and another thing to know you're appreciated by SOMEONE. Little victories, little victories. Actually, no. BIG victories.